College is finally over,graduation papers in our hands;
Our journey on our own begins today.
But not today will the first steps be taken;
Respects to our good times are yet to be paid.
The college canteen is where it began,
where the five of us first met.
And it is at the college canteen today
that we remember all the good times.
Bunking class to see the movie at the theatre,
Whiling our time at the beach during first year,
Playing dark room on new year's night,
Smearing each others face with cake on a birthday.
The flashbacks are fresh and strong
Even today the best fried rice is made in the canteen
We still remember our first visit to the Principal's office
Or the time we helped each other on the french test.
Yes,we go our own ways from now.
But not today,nor tonight.
Cause its party time
As we relive the best days of our lives
For one last time.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi,
Firstly, I have seen you all over the place lately young. Well, I really liked the flow of the story. It felt smooth. My favorite thing that you expressed in this was the story itself. It was very memorable and a good moment to visualize.
I usually tell the author my favorite section, but I really couldnt find one in this, and yea thats a good thing!
~DayDreams
Hi! I'm Grin.
I love your idea here. It's something many of us have been through, leaving school, leaving friends. It's hard when all you're left with is memories.
I noticed you haven't rhymed this, but I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or bad. I think maybe, if you rhyme it well, it will work, but I'm not entirely sure. It might enforce it too much. Unless you're prepared to do a huge amount of work, the rhyme scheme should stay as it is.
I'm going to keep this short and sweet, because that's all I can see that hasn't already been said. So, well done.
Hope I helped
~Grin
Hi YG!
Well, these words perfectly capture the scene. I like this a lot. It sure does bring back the last few does of school.
I think it would sound better if you use some other word than the first 'Our.'
Just a small one.
Another small one.
The second last stanza isn't really your best. The previous one has a good flow to it, this doesn't. It's like the previous one is all connected but this is just loose sentences strung together. I feel "The flashbacks are fresh and strong" should be replaced. Maybe move up the Principal's office visit, and the French test could be the reason you were there.
I'm not being harsh or anything. I hope this helps.
Anyway, a good poem that is so true to everyone of us.
Keep Writing,
~Lava